I'M SICK OF IT!!

I'm sick of logging into myspace and seeing "missing him" or some other bull. BRAVO, Doll, you have a boyfriend, but I didn't ever think you'd become one of those hos that always missing him. It's a single day into summer break, imagine how it's gonna be at the end of summer. If you miss him so much, quit texting me and call HIM. I would rather slit my own wrists than hear about how much you miss him.
Sorry about ranting, but I just feel like ranting. I feel as though I'm suffocating, too. Also, while she's missing him, I'm not really missing anyone. Except for Taylor and Sarah. I really do miss them. I would miss this dude named William but we've texted a lot. Echo, baby, if you miss him, meet up with him, kiss him, hump him, do whatever you have to so that I don't have to hear about how much you miss him and how sad it makes you. Because I'm sorry you miss him more than you can even consider missing me. You have been away from him A DAY. Unless you mean some other guy...but I highly doubt that. I don't miss Echo because I would rather choke than be put in the same categories Shadow. Did she think of how it would effect our friendship? I doubt it, she's so selfish. I wish I could block her out like I've done with my dog who has heart worms. I just don't want to hear about it, alright? Woo, he's effing amazing and darn, I'm the worse person ever because I wanted to make for sure that you weren't cutting. Sorry I wouldn't just drop it and leave it alone because it's not something you just drop and leave alone. Sorry for caring.
Wait, that's not what this is about... I really care about my friend, but I don't miss her because she misses him and not me. It's so crazy and selfish, I know, but I used to miss her anytime we weren't together. I thought it was because she's my best friend...guess not.

It's only two hours into the day....

And it sucks on ice. Let's cross our fingers and hope that it get better. Music is becoming one of my favorite companions right now. I feel pretty bad because my friend is in the other room sleeping. I've some music downloading, so I think I'll be going to sleep after it finishes. Alright, one more song to see if I can download from somewhere and then I'll be content. Well, I should probably go to bed. Cross your fingers and hope that this gets better.

MAY!!

It's almost the end of MAY and school. School ends the twenty-fifth, I thinks. Dance tomorrow, but I'm scared to death. I hate talking about how I....feel... It's effing crazy. How do I feel? Tired, numb, bored, creative. So many ideas run through my head a day. No wonder I end up tired. =3 Anyway, it's nearly midnight and I've gotta write SOMETHING before bed. Can't believe all the arguments I'm getting into with my friend. It's like.... She's always ticked at me for something, it seems. And so we argue and it feels ironic because I've gotten so used to it that when we do I go into this shell where what she says just rolls right off, numb. It's pure insanity. There is nothing more to be said about anything like this. It's just insanity. First she dates this guy who is a total hobag to me, then expects me to be HAPPY for her, and we start getting into arguments. How can I be HAPPY for her when she's dating someone who treats me, someone who is suppose to be her best friend, like crap? Bros before hos, dearest. I do feel kinda bad because I haven't kept up with HER blog, but only because I don't remember the link to it... The scariest thing about this existence is that it seems as though she knows absolutely nothing about me. Sure I need some of her attention because I like talking to her, hanging out with her, but I don't need all of it, something I've proven over and over again and yet she says I do.Yes, I'm going to be mad about her dating this dude for quite some time, even if I think I've gotten over it. Why? Because anytime he can he's a total hobag to me. Do I still love her as my best friend? Even though she's treating me just as bad as he is, yeah, because she is my best friend. Unlike how she feels with me, I'm comfortable with her. Though, I must admit that my trust in her has gone down a lot because I feel as though anything I say will be morphed and used against me in a court of Shadow and Echo.* I don't know, I feel as though my trust is easily gained, but always easily lost, also. Over thinking is honestly what I'm best at, and that sometimes get me into trouble. I hate that they all say I act like I'm better than everyone else. I don't. I act like me, always have. Honestly, I thought after... wow, five years, you would be fine with me being me. Can't believe it, five effing years. If you hate it so much, quit hanging around me. Problem solved. Just tell me that's what you're doing so I don't be "arrogant" by texting you when I didn't know that's what you were doing. I know this sounds like think my friends are disposable, but I really don't. All of my friends, I have a deep bond with them and that's what makes them my friends. Shadow, yeah, there's no "deep bond" there. He's a hobag and I can't stand him. He can't decide on nearly anything. To me, his exists would be meaningless if he wasn't my best friend's boyfriend. Actually, he used to be one of my friends, but told me various ways I could die/ kill myself and he wouldn't care. It made me want to take something to my throat, cut it just enough to bleed, and then go to school like that because one of the ways was that I could slit my throat. Haha, aren't you such a great person. Wait, let me prove my sarcastic side! This dude is effing amazing, like, seriously. He sssoo didn't seem judgmental of ALL Christians when he decided to be Satanic, didn't make any generalizations about my religion. I'm sure he's, like, an effing saint compared to me. He's so humble, and uber sweet. He doesn't hurt anything or one. He's the most perfectest person evers and I totally approve that he's with my best friend who is being sooo much more nicer to me now that's she's dating him. End of total sarcasm. In actuality, from my reality, Shadow made many generalizations about... everyone. He was surprised to receive kindness from one of the "preps" simply because they're a "prep." Choke me. I'm gonna laugh out loud if Echo reads this, all the way through. Won't gain me any brownie points, that's fer sure. OOHH, I wanna listen to that now, even though I should totally be in bed. Yeah, I've got that... strange mind set where anything I think of can, and will, come out through my fingers (or pencil onto paper IF I can). I'm so bubbly on the internet, by the way. I usually, in real life, have sense of, "Am I doing this in a me type of form?" but on the internet I'm like, "Who here knows me? No. Effing. One."
As you may be noticing, I say effing. Why not just type the word? I do not cuss. Darn right. Okay, back to my sexy train of thought, I was actually pretty ticked at Echo today after lunch. I mean, she basically called ALL cutters out there stupid. Idiot. The act of cutting may be stupid, but the people who do it aren't. What she actually said was, "I'm not stupid enough to do that." We were on the topic of her cutting, though. Some people with ACTUAL depression that isn't treated cut. People with VERY high IQs will get depression. Ohhh yeah, they're soooo stupid. Yes, I'm being sarcastic. I'm in one of those moods where my sarcasm is coming out quicker that it can be processed. RAWR!! I have this stupid reaction paper to write still! Can't believe I'm gonna put it off until tomorrow. I'm actually really happy that Echo went to the computer lab to work on hers because then I could speak freely about how stupid she sounded saying that she wasn't stupid enough to cut without being judged. What if I cut, Echo? Am I stupid then? Considering how highly you think of me after you started dating Shadow, you probably think I am without it. Hahaha, snort, haha. OOHHH, today I actually sounded rude. It was soooo strange. I was actually really tired and being the super smart boy that he is, Shadow brought me up, saying at least they would have one person with weird hair at the dance. Like I do this for everyone else. Uhhh, no. I do this because I effing wanna, moron. Anyway, I was too tired to sound sarcastic, but I sooo couldn't keep my sarcastic remark to myself. I barely lifted me head and looked at him and said, "No, I'm gonna wear a black wig...just to crush your dreams." Naturally, he went on the defense. Moron... Despite what he obviously thinks, I don't really mean him harm. Whatever, you know? He can think that and I can think ALL this. I can think Echo went out with him just so she would get attention. And attention she got. It was like, wow... How can this be monumental? I know, I know, I should be supportive, happy. No, sorry. Obviously I'm arrogant, stupid, rude, and some other things, but all of those point to me not being happy or supportive. Why do I think Echo did it for attention? She could've had him any other time before he went on this huge rampage at me, she could've done it next year, but she waited until he told me all this crap. I hate it. It feels as though she cares more about him and having him than about me or understanding why I'm mad. She hasn't even asked why I was mad. I had to tell her that it felt like a slap in the face. Obviously I don't matter too much, but just enough to lie to. She told me she valued our friendship more than dating him, so she was gonna talk to him about just being friends and if he wouldn't have it, she would just break up with him. Doubt she did. Whatever, Echo. Humorous, though, how after dating for less than a month she thinks I'm such a horrible person. I'm CHILDISH is the word you two are looking for. Not stupid, arrogant, ignorant, blah, blah. CHILDISH. Geesh.
I'm soo tired.
Staying alive for just one more day,
Vlad Nightshade.
*please note that Shadow is used simply because I don't feel like saying the dude's real name. This is better than what I call him in my journal, though. Echo is what she calls herself somewhere on here or used to at least.
P.S. Didn't mean to rant, just have built up emotions and not a single person really cares to actually hear them. Not one around me anyway. Whatever.

Moping Realities

I hate moping.
Moping is bad, but I am now moping. Due to the fact I'm 13, almost 14, I doubt I'm in love. No, I think I've go a stupid crush on a stupid person. Knowing that he doesn't like my type of people makes me mopey. What makes it worse is that I mean probably nothing to him. He's cute, and I used to know him and he was so sweet. Now, I hear he's really arrogant and such a jerk. I feel so stupid and out of place thinking about this. I wanna talk to him, but I think I'm scared he'll just ignore me and walk off. Choking on everything I wanna say to him isn't like me. I hate it, the way everything is. I'm suppose to be cool, untouchable.

"I just need a hug."
You shrug,
not your problem, you must think.
Then you'll see her and freaking wink.

I hate you,
but I think I'm trying not to.
So, we'll let time
fly and one of us will feel like this is a crime.

Thinking you're cute,
almost bad enough to make me want to pull the trigger and shoot.
Now, I want to bawl
instead of bouncing off the wall.

This is all I have to say about this. Haha.

And Just When It Starts

Okay, this is a QUICK intro for those who don't know anything about this. We have three main characters. A dragon, a mysterious kid with black hair, and an adventurous kid.
I started wondering about him when I saw him. His black hair plastered to his face with sweat. The top of him was bare and muscular. The ice that people told me were his eyes pierced through everyone there, as though saying, "You're all vile for being here, but I'm worse for amusing you." The pants he wore left barely anything for us to imagine. My own mind wanted to know, demanded to find out, what he would do if touched just right. The way he looked, the way he moved said that he would be perfect. Of all the things I've wanted to steal, he was one I super wanted...and so I will.
"Come on, Sam." I wink at the giant dragon. "Let us steal a new person. He's beautiful. You'll love him." I pull myself onto the dragon's back, into the saddle. The warm leather reins are great in my hands. It's a week after I've seen him. The feeling of flying is one that not a single word or phrase can describe. The rush as it pushes my hair back. It's cold, almost freezing. Samael flaps just a little higher until we can see the whole roof of the club. "Down." I point to where I had seen the kid and we spiral straight down, right down through the roof. I close my eye as we crash through the roof. Pieces of the roof fly up and cut my cheek. It hurts, sure, but slowing down means making it last longer. We don't slow as I grab his wrist and pull him onto the dragon. His blue eyes are wild and he squeezes me close to him. I smile at him, over my shoulder. We land quite a few miles away.
"Haha, sorry about that." He sits on the ground, panting and scared. "He just couldn't get it done anyway." He calmly stands up and slaps me.
"You stole me!" He hisses and Sam smirks at me. Theft is something I am very common with. Getting slapped is also something I'm used to. I pull him back onto the dragon and we fly to our cute little hide out. He stumbles off of the dragon and is grabbed by Autumn. Her eyes are covered by a piece of cotton. We all assume that she is completely blind or trying to show some type of religious thing by not seeing the outside world.
"He's beautiful." She mumbles and he looks utterly shocked. He leans back to me. "No, I cannot see." He nods and she starts leading him to his room. Her white dress is simple. The top is done in corset style, while the skirt has multiple layers, each with more ruffles than the last. It falls just below her knees. She's very thin, but not way too skinny. Her white-blond hair falls down to her knees. Her pale rose lips are in a smile. She's a pale girl, but the boy she's leading looks as though he hasn't seen the sun for years. Compared to both, I must look like I'm always in the sun. Our footsteps echo off the stone walls. Autumn's and the boy's less than mine because they're barefoot. My footsteps are loudest because they're covered in heavy boots. He gets to his room and falls onto his bed. The dark rings around his eyes tells us to leave him alone.
"Autumn, let us leave him to rest." I leave the room with her following. She tells him goodnight before following me. I think I've fallen for the poor boy.
This is the beginning of a story. Right now, it has no name! Woo!